Another day towards the rest of my life...

A personal journal entry where I talk about where I am in life and sort a few things out...

I'm aware of the pain and suffering I've caused myself in the past and I'm making changes every day.  I say this without judgment of myself but I've always been good at bringing myself down. 

Its not an easy thing to explain.  I have an obsessive mind and its a wonderful thing when its focused properly.  I can spend eight hours staring at a computer screen working on a problem at work.  I can create beautiful songs that are genuine and packed with meaning.  But it can get fixated on the past and the painful memories can become bars to build a prison.

I'm choosing happiness.

Yesterday I had a great day.  My brother came over hung out with Liz and Neil and I.  We swam in the pool with the dog.  We also played music in the band room.  I got to play drums.  We even played video games together where My brother boxed Liz.  It was the first time in a while the Wii has been played by anyone else but me. 

It was absolutely a good time.  I could feel myself growing and getting out of the funk I've been in.  That part of me that wants to remember the pain is still there but its not so controlling.  I could remember the old times but didn't dwell on them. I thought of the drama of the past once or twice but it was clearly just my mind trying to bring me down.  Which isn't allowed. :)

I'm acknowledging my successes.  I'm giving myself credit for focusing and changing the old behavior.  I'm not a sad person or a depressed person.  Like many people I've been letting my mind bring me down with memories.  I have an awareness that its not who I really am.

I know who I am.  I have a vision of myself.  Its not perfect but its based on the reality of being with myself.  And its a person that I absolutely love, admire, and welcome.  I am committed to being true to myself, to be in integrity with what's in my heart.  Is there anything else more important?