Bryan Echo

First Day of My Life

This is cover of a song written and performed by the band Bright Eyes.

First Day of My Life

Recorded in my bed room:

Second Sun

A lyrics for a song I finished writing tonight...

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I like to hide my true colors
I like to stay in the shadows
I secretly love the spotlight
But I'm afraid to be watched
Its only when I really let go of these timid feelings
That I find my voice and really start to shine

Because I am the Second Sun
I can see what I've done
With a light that brightens the night
I'm a spark that catches fire

I like to look outside of myself
Although I know what I'll find
There's nothing missing that I need
I've made this life and made it mine
Its time I let the world see all the passion and energy
Time to enjoy the darkness as much as I enjoy the light

And its warm enough now, I won't get cold
Its a large expanding star, gone supernova
I'd like to hold on and not forget
The second sun never has to set

Because I am the second sun
I can see what I've done
with a light that brightens the night
I'm a spark that catches fire

Because I'm a road that leads the blind
I can't help but smile at what I am inside...

Grandma

1931-2007

Last night I slept deeper than I have in days. I had pleasant dreams and woke feeling refreshed. I got a phone call from my father around 8:30, Grandma Starbuck passed away last night. Its a relief that she's found peace. The last few days have been hard waiting for the inevitable. The grief and sadness has been overpowering. I like to think that my good night's sleep was connected to her passing on.

She was with family in the final days and lived a full life. There's sadness in her passing but her life was full of joy.

Grieving

Most of my friends already know, but my grandmother had a stroke last week. She's unconscious now and will probably pass away.

I find myself overwhelmed with grief. I want to put it out of my mind and go about my day to day routine. But that routine seems false and strange. I'm shaving and my grandmother is dying?

I've been noticing the beautiful things in life more. I saw a hummingbird and it entranced me. The way it moved with sense and purpose and defied gravity made me stop and say wow. I'm thankful for the cool breeze on my skin and the sun in my eyes. I'm more aware of the temporary time that is my life.

I'm overly sensitive and just a mess. I don't know how to explain to people that I'm useless right now. I feel I have to defend myself and explain how much she meant to me. Its not there fault and everyone has been nothing but supportive. I'm not familiar with being emotionally derelict.

I don't know how far this pain descends below the water. Its like an iceberg thats slowly colliding with a cliff. I don't know what to do or what to say. I can only hold on to the memories and try to express these feelings. It comes out in song and poem. It comes out in the photographs that I take. It comes out in long, repititive guitar melodies that I play like I'm singing an eastern chant. I play 'til my mind doesn't even feel the notes, my body relaxing until I'm meditating but still active.

I struggle to express the pain and grief.

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